Archive for May, 2007

Another Little Piece of My Art (Oh Baby)…

May 27, 2007

Two items in today’s Chronicle led to this.

The first, somewhere in the first section, I think, was about Hillary Clinton putting the choice of her official campaign theme song up to a popular Internet vote. Very dicey, that, because she must know there will be a torrent of snide, crude, insulting and innuendo-laden suggestions from those who despise her, a group that compares in size to one full year’s Major League Baseball attendance. Not to mention the riffs on this subject from Leno, Conan, Letterman and the whole wee hours gang.

Which is exactly why I immediately dismissed the notion of a blog posting of my own offering possible Hill for Pres theme songs. The concept will be done to death. Why chase a bus that’s already standing room only? And, let’s face it, it’s really too obvious a premise; too easy, if you will.

The second item was on page 2 of the Insight (meaning: a buffet of political and socioeconomic opinion pieces) section. It was a blurb for local/national standup comic Will Durst, who contributes brief monologues to the Insight podcast. His latest, and I quote the blurb, “suggests theme songs for Hillary Clinton’s campaign. How about ‘Devil With a Blue Dress’? Or ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’ by Queen?”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a fan and friend of Will Durst. I’ve known him since he got off the bus from Milwaukee in 1981. We’ve were pals, colleagues, competitors and cohorts on the comedy scene for a chunk of time. And we both did political material. I think Will’s was a bit more slapsticky than mine, broader and more, um, vaudevillian. But who can say? Nothing is more eye-of-the-beholder in nature than comedy.

In any case, and for whatever reason, I’m not joining Will in the Hill’s Theme parade. If I was going to attempt any take on this situation, it would more likely be Suggested Theme Songs For The Other Candidates.

You know, snarky comedy layups like and “Blowin’ In The Wind” for Mitt Romney, and “Soul Man” for Barack Obama, and “Soldier Boy” for John McCain, and “My Way” for Rudy Giuliani, and “Mexican Hat Dance” for Bill Richardson, and “Southern Man” for Fred Thompson, and “Born To Lose” for Dennis Kucinich, and “That’ll Be The Day” for Newt Gingrich, and, well, you get the drift.

But, again–too obvious. Too easy. Comedic calisthenics, as it were: pumping a simple concept unto exhaustion.
So I’m taking a pass.
Happy Memorial Day.


A Thousand Pardons

May 23, 2007

After I posted my little screed yesterday I had further thoughts about my comment regarding Bush pardoning people by the busload as his term neared its crashing conclusion. In a nutshell, here they are. The thoughts, I mean.

If I were George Bush–a concept almost as ghastly and horrifying as George Bush being George Bush–I would take off the gloves at this point and just get nuts. I mean, the pathetic asshole’s legacy is already circling the drain, the multitudes whom he has wronged and/or offended will make sure the Worst President Ever label clings to him like a lapdancer, and the only possible saving grace to his administration–comprehensive immigration reform legislation–will be torpedoed by the very xenophobic, nativist, wheyhead element that is otherwise his base. He’ll be left with nothing, and when you’ve got nothing, you have nothing to lose.

So with that in mind, in his shit-caked shoes I would pardon Gonzales this very minute. Then I would pardon DeLay. Then I would get the word out that any attempt to expose in the press, or to pursue charges against, or even to just publicly accuse any administration staffer or political ally of any wrongdoing, would bring an immediate blanket presidential pardon for that individual.

Oh sure, cries of “Impeach” would resound across the land and in the halls of Congress, but W has the most ironclad impeachment insurance in the history of the republic: Dick Cheney. Who has probably been secretly pardoned already.

I’m not endorsing this idea, mind you, or suggesting that it would in any way be appropriate, defensible, or warranted. I’m just saying that if I were George Bush, I’d do it. Because let’s face it, it’s just such a George Bush thing to do.

Gonzo Justice

May 22, 2007

As I wrote to old co-troublemaker Dick Corten the other day, I am as astonished as anyone that it could come to pass that I actually feel a shred of respect for former Attorney General John Ashcroft, given that he displayed more honor in a hospital bed than the rest of the Bush regime in the sack with the Christian Right and the Great Corporate Tit. Leave it to someone as thoroughly unprincipled as current A.G. Gonzales, the worst lapdog in that office since Ed Meese, to elevate Ashcroft to “decent” status.

Then again, I thought, I’m not sure if Gonzo is purely without principle, or if he is simply so vastly unqualified for, incompetent at, and ignorant of the demands and responsibilities of the positon he now holds, as to seem unprincipled.

As I wrote to Br’er Corten, Alberto strikes me more than anything these days as the Fredo Corleone of the Bush family.

But now that I ruminate on it, Fredo with a significant difference, a distinction that is keeping him in office, maintained there in the face of an impending Senate vote of no confidence and almost universal contempt: His blind, unquestioning loyalty to Bush and all that Bush desires and stands for.

Getting to the point: Bush will never cashier Gonzo because there is no one else remotely qualified to be ratified as A.G. whom Bush could similarly trust not to prosecute (let alone actively cover up) the host of illegal acts committed by Rove, Cheney, and the whole gang of merry pranksters now having frolic with the Constitution in the West Wing.

Gonzales’ position is as guaranteed as the fact that Bush will pardon everybody on his Christmas card list come December, 2008.

Who am I? What am I doing here?

May 21, 2007

Yes, I am reduced to quoting Admiral William Stockdale. Stockdale. Admiral. Right: the guy who was H. Ross Perot’s vice presidential running mate in 1996. That was his opening line in the Veep debates. Got a nice laugh. Came off as a vaguely clueless but harmless old gent. Would trade Cheney for him–or for pretty much anybody walking the earth–in a heartbeat.

I’m here because my former blog on became inaccessible to me. Whenever I tried to log on, it crashed my AOL program. I don’t know whether that was a probelm or an AOL problem, but suspect both, working en cabal.

So now I’m here. But I have nothing particularly amusing on my mind at the moment, so this will be it for this post. Just a little something to eat up valuable moments from the lives of those I intend to inform about this new podium who will then visit the site under the mistaken assumption they’ll find something worth the time and effort.

I called it “Humor Me II” because my old blog had “Humor Me” in the title. Not only is this resoundingly uncreative, but it also marks me as a codger. A blogger well over age 40. Anything under that, and I would have called it “Humor Me 2.0.”

Well, Here I Go Again

May 18, 2007

I used to have a blog titled “Humor Me,” Says Robert S. “Bob” Wieder. But lately I haven’t been able to access it for purposes of posting, which seemed to render it pointless. Friend and fellow blogger and fellow sport fantasizer Michael Robertson prodded me to try this. And so I am. We shall see what happens.

Hello world!

May 18, 2007

Welcome to This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!