Archive for September, 2008

LADY DAZE

September 30, 2008

   I realize that I’m threatening to become a one-note poster, beating to death the dead moose that is our gal Sarah, but geez, you gotta go with those little neural zipplits that we call inspiration when they collide with your consciousness.  That said…

If I were in charge of Obama’s counterstrike media force, I would already be saturating the battleground states with a 30 second spot that gives you 20 seconds of the Palinator’s greatest sound bites, followed by a montage of head shots of Scalia, Roberts, et. al. with the voiceover and subtitle: “He thinks she’s the best possible choice for vice president.  Do you really want him picking the next two or three Supreme Court justices?”

Yeah, but then I consider that (a) a dishearteningly small percentage of the voting public actually gives a shit about the composition of the Country Club That Runs Their Lives, and (b) a grievously large number of Americans would answer with hearty enthusiasm, “Fuck yeah!”

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QUE SERA, SARAH

September 15, 2008

I still can’t come to terms with the Palin selection.  Was that really so wise?  Think about it.  If you’re John McCain, 72 years old, dealing with a serious age issue, do you really want to be seen everywhere standing next to a woman who looks like your nurse? 

Because she does have that nurse look.  Even worse, it’s the nurse-in-the-porn-flick look.  Where she starts out with her hair all tied up and wearing glasses and modestly attired.  She looks very prim and proper and decent at first, but you know she’ll end up going down for everybody.  Wait, I’m sorry, that’s not the nurse look, that’s the candidate for Senator look.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR PETA TO WEIGH IN

September 11, 2008

 

There are times when you simply can’t make up your mind how best to phrase something.  Perhaps it’s because you just love the gist of it too much, so that you get hung up trying to express it in precisely the most killer manner.  

But entire lives are wasted away in such activity.  I say, Fie.  Just blurt it out the way it first occurred to you.  Which, in this case, is:  

 

“The last time lipstick generated this much political controversy, it was on Bill Clinton’s dick.” 

 

I know, Mencken it aint, but I bet The Daily Show would buy it.

 

And while we’re on the subject of the particular campaign lunacy that I choose to call GlossGate, could anyone explain why a given candidate could enthusiastically refer to herself as a pit bull with lipstick, but become enraged when her handlers cynically and incorrectly claim that someone  has compared her to a pig with lipstick?  

Pig.  Pit bull.  Okay.  Which would you rather confront in a dark alley, or find rummaging in your kitchen, or have as your teacher’s nickname in Catholic school, or have as the source of your morning bacon, or be what everybody calls your supervisor?  Thought so.

By the way, I ran across one of the niftier zingers that I have seen in recently, assuming, of course, that you share my definition of zingers, which would mean that you are one of those who would like to see Dick Cheney stuffed into a huge canvas bag of starving rats.   

I don’t recall where I saw or heard it, but..

If George Bush the elder was the guy who was born on third and thought he’d hit a triple, George Bush the younger is the guy who was born on third…and then stole second.

A RHETORICAL PAIN IN THE ASS

September 5, 2008

Time and again I found myself leaping to my feet during John McCain’s speech last night.  Damn.  I’ve got to do something about these hemorrhoids.

SARAH DIPITY

September 3, 2008

I write to correct a grievous injustice.  In my previous post, I gave full credit to lovely wife Gloria for noting that McCain’s choice of Palin was an exercise in the same kind of Affirmative Action that the GOP so detests, but seems, in this case, blithely unconscious of.  The title of my post was PALIN COMPARISON, obviously a play on “pale in comparison” which I thought was, if not uniquely my invention, at least my invention far as I knew.  

Well, it turns out that in that regard I was, to use the technical term, full of it.  In fact, Gloria had prefaced her remarks to me about the Sarah’s Affirmative Action angle with the very phrase, “palin comparison.”  I even commented at the time, she notes, that it was a nifty bit of wordplay.  

But then she followed it with the reference to Affirmative Action, which so totally captured my fancy that it caused me to totally forget the “comparison” reference I had been so taken with just moments before, and led me to instead shift my affections to a more enticing reference, and, you know…  

Hmph.  Men.  

Anyway, in order to salve my ego I’ve been trying to come up with some play on Palin that would at least be on a creative par with “palin comparison,” but the best I could do was “palintology: the science of fossilized political positions.”  

And hey, it’s not all that bad.  But “palin comparison” really was a 10-pointer.  And it was hers.  Mea copya.

 

Before I go, however, a word about McCain’s Veep nominee, or actually two words:  Wonder Woman.  

That’s going to be the GOP’s incessant portrayal of her, and only partly because she is a near ringer for the TV version of the comic superheroine.  Look! Up there!  Preparing to land for a personal appearance!  It’s the uberhousewife, the babe for all seasons!  Check out her resume.  She bakes!  She shoots!  She governs!  She lactates!  She campaigns!  She hooks and cleans fish!  She stalks!  She models!  She spits in the eye of a hostile media bent on exploiting her daughter’s moral lapse!  She makes payrolls!  Did we mention baking?  Oh.  How about pushups?  No?  Whoa.  Better sit down.

Personally, I stopped underestimating Republican presidential candidates with Nixon.  Hell, if he was electable, who isn’t?

PALIN COMPARISON

September 1, 2008

Can’t imagine I’m the first, or will be the last, to indulge in that particular bit of wordplay, but it does meet the important at-least-vaguely-apt test for the following.

All the tabloidal hysteria that will be generated by and about the whole “Who was pregnant with which baby when?” issue, if it actually is one, will probably drown out such reasonable and salient points to be raised about Governor Palin, one of which was expressed by Gloria, the lady of this house.  It’s a provocative question, and one I hope the GOP has to address many times.  To wit:

If the good Governor were a Sean or Sam or Sidney Palin, with otherwise the exact same political resume, would he have been chosen by McCain?  No sane observer would answer yes to this one.  Clearly, Palin got the nomination because she is a woman.  The right wing has a term for this, and it is Affirmative Action, which the GOP opposes with all its might.  

So where, oh where, is the outrage?

P.S.  Although I am not a listener, I understand that Rush Limbaugh has been boosting Palin like the second coming of Joe McCarthy for the last few weeks.  The fact that her election would make him happy is FAR MORE THAN ENOUGH reason to vote, vote, vote the Dem ticket.